Last

I picked up the diary yesterday and realised that further pages have been removed since it arrived.
I am abandoning the blog.

hurry

Got to hurry. Things have changed. Not sure who to trust. Should probably delete all of this because I'm really not sure what's going on. Had my singing lesson last night and told M. about what was going on and he suggested that I have a psychological disorder and am making all of this up. I was so upset that I ran out. Can't trust him. He was looking at me in a weird, creepy way. Hadn't occurred to me before to suspect him, but why not?

Can't trust Mr W. either- he told me today that my work was becoming sloppy and if I didn't improve he was going to fire me. I told him to stuff his stupid boring job. Then I left. I didn't even say goodbye to Mariko. The thing is, I'm not even sure about her anymore. She acts so nicey nice around me but I've heard her yabbering away in Japanese to her sister- she thinks it's too complicated and fast for me to understand but I have heard enough to suspect that she says some nasty things about me behind my back.

So I'm on my own. I'm not going to take any more advice from anyone. I'm going to deal with this in my own way.

Letter

Cam sent me a reply letter today.

Dear Jess-

I'm sorry you feel like that about me writing to you. I didn't think there was anything so wrong with telling you that I miss you and want you back. Maybe I didn't say it in exactly the right way but I guess all I wanted to do was show you that you don't need to be so proud and that if you miss me you are always welcome back.
But maybe I'm wrong about you. Or you've changed. You always used to listen to me but at the moment I don't feel like you are at all interested in anything I have to say.

As for the website I have no idea what you are talking about so I can't take it down. But thanks for the accusations. Always nice to be the suspect when something bad happens. At least I know you're thinking of me.
Don't worry, I won't write to you again.
love Cam.

Do I believe him? I'm not sure. It never really seemed like something he'd do but I'm actually more scared if it's not him. Because that means there's someone else following me around. Don't know what to do. Should I contact the police? I probably should, but then this whole thing could be a stupid joke.

I'm going to my singing class tonight and I'm not going to think about this until tomorrow. Which is almost definitely the wrong thing to do but I'm tired of thinking about it.

Additional

I just had another look at the letter that the URL was sent to me in.
On the back, written very faintly is this:
I know all about you.

Cyber Stalked

When I got home last night there was another letter waiting for me.
Hand delivered.
It contained was a web address which I looked up as soon as I got in the house
{put link here}
Photos of me- so many of them I didn't even bother counting.
I am still shaking.
The photos are from all over the place- some from when I was little, which must have come from our album at home. Some are from various parties and school events I've been to over the years, which must belong to at leat half a dozen different people.

And some, the scariest ones, are from the last 18 months.
Someone must have been following me around and taking photos of me.

At first I was too shocked to do anything and then I thought "It's got to be Cam". And then I stopped feeling shocked and found myself incredibly angry about it. I still having a hard time believing he'd do anything quite so creepy but logically, it's got to be.

So then, while I was still furious, I wrote him a letter.

Cam- I don't know why you've suddenly gone beserk but if you don't stop sending me letters I will call the police. I am giving you 24 hours to take down the website and then, similarly, I will be in contact with the authorities.

And just in case you were in any doubt, there is more likelihood of you turning into a Greenpeace activist than there is of me resuming our relationship.

Jess.

It's not particularly eloquent, but it was all I could manage. I've sent it to him express post.
I just want this all to finish.

Shopping

I spent all of the weekend trawling op shops- I must have visited at least 50 stores.. It was the most concerted effort that I've put in so far to refind the toys of my childhood. It's a bit of a strange hobby, I'm fully aware of that, but it's also deeply satisfying. I was particularly happy with the progress I made this weekend:

1 hungry hungry hippos game (with the little white balls all there and the hippo mechanism still working)
1 Chitty Chitty bang bang memory card game
1 ballet fuzzy felt set and 1 zoo fuzzy felt set
1 Hanky Panky magic set.

I'm really happy with this last find- it's been high on my list of things I wanted to recover and although I've come across various loose items, I'd never seen the complete set before.

It's a good day today. Mr W is at the suppliers and so it's just Matsuko and me. I'm supposed to be translating an article for a motocross magazine- the title is: The Secret World of Gasoline so you can see why I'm not overly looking forward to working on it. The first line is "pump gas, race gas or propane?" I have no idea what the Japanese word for propane is. So I'm just letting myself be entertained by Matsuko, instead.

Matsuko is taking spray-painting lessons from a grafitti artist she met in a bar on the weekend. She showed me how her tag looks but she had to mime it, of course, as her dad would not be impressed if she sprayed paint in the office.

She looked like an elephant with an uncontrollable trunk.

We have the radio on and I'm doing some (very quiet) singing pratice. I am trying not to think about what has been going on- I know there is a way of explaining it all, but I'm not quite sure as yet what it is. I think I'm getting a cold too, but I'm dosing up on vitamin C so it should be fine.